Jonah

Jonah has always been one of my favorites. I think because he is so raw. So understandable. So stinkin human. Maybe it's just me, but i can relate to this guy for some reason...And today his lovely little book was in our devotional reading here are the little bulletin points that i wrote in my journal;

-Jonah gets a word for a bunch of mean folks and decides that he doesn't want to visit them, so hide and seek with God sounds better. FYI to jonah: God always wins!

-The sailor bunch vow to follow God after seeing his great power in the storm ending as soon as they throw jonah over. 

-Jonah gets swallowed by a big fish. A Big Fish. He prays for 3 days and then gets spit up by this big fish... he heads to Nineveh.

- the WHOLE city of Nineveh repents(sackcloth and ashes) and fasts! Not even the animals were allowed to eat or drink!!! 

- Jonah gets a little selfish, loses perspective, and is set on being right. He climbs a hill to watch what will happen.

-God shows up and shows jonah His heart for lost people.

Last few verses of the book;

"10 Then the Lord said, “You feel sorry about the plant, though you did nothing to put it there. It came quickly and died quickly. 11 But Nineveh has more than 120,000 people living in spiritual darkness, not to mention all the animals. Shouldn’t I feel sorry for such a great city?”"

i have clearly i added the emphasis in that quote, but that thought just jumped off my page and sat in my lap. I live in a city just a tad bit smaller than Nineveh, but the thought is the same "living in Spiritual Darkness."

Isaiah 40:28 

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom."

this is what i want to say to my city Bend;

HEY! YOU ARE SLEEPING, LIVING IN SPIRITUAL DARKNESS! HAVE YOU NOT HEARD? THE LORD IS IS IS IS IS the only, amazing, loving, kind, gracious EVERLASTING GOD!!! HE WILL NOT GROW TIRED AND WEARY.... he's waiting for you. HE IS pursuing you. HOW long will you turn your head from the Sunset that displays his majesty? How long will you deny the breeze he sends to refresh you? How long will you be lulled to sleep my the song of the enemy? WAKE UP!!! Turn to God and receive his GRACE and MERCY!

being raw

BEWARE the following post is me, being raw.

Recently i have been having a really hard time putting the thoughts in my head into words that make sense. I feel like when i am trying to express my self all i am saying is "blah blah blah". This is such a frustrating place to be for many reasons. for example, i can't express my extreme gratitude to my amazing friend Heidi for letting me invade her space for the last 3 weeks, I can't tell Jenna how much i appreciate her love for me and my wining about not having a place and not being settled, i can't express to my lovely family how much i love them, or my dear High Schoolers how much i believe in them! And so here i am, i had a great moment with Jesus this morning and would like to try and express it. Please be gracious with me.

Many have said this is the year of breakthrough and every time i hear it i want to believe it, but can't. I couldn't see what i needed breakthrough in so i couldn't see breakthrough. In the midst of being a wondering house-hunter and random job schedule, i couldn't find my feet. I couldn't find my roots. I felt totally uprooted and drifting. Not in a "oh my i've lost my faith" sort of way, in a where am I? Where is my passion and drive hiding? So many questions have been going through my head. Why? When? How? Who?
In the last month I feel like i've grown. I feel like my faith has been challenged. I have felt the attacks and i have stood... sometimes i just fell to my knees, but really my heart has been lost in the wonder of where God is in the mess of my life. I know he is here. i could feel his touch and saw his hand provide. I knew he was near, but the longing to sit and talk with him was so strong. I couldn't hear his voice clearly. I needed answers and all i could hear was, "believe me. trust me. wait on me."
this afternoon however i received some breakthrough. It came in the strangest way. I was laying in the sun at Drake Park, just loving my day and reading The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. It's a great book about unforgiveness. I have always felt like i had a handle on forgiveness. I try to be a forgiving person and not hold offence from people. In the chapter i was reading today it was talking about the life of Joseph(my favorite) and this little paragraph woke me up;
"Perhaps when Joseph had his dream he saw them as a confirmation of the favor on his life. He has not yet learned that authority is given to serve, not to set you apart. Often in these training periods we focus on the impossibility of our circumstances instead of the greatness of God. As a result we are discouraged and need to blame someone, so we look for the one we feel is responsible for our despair. When we face the fact that God could have-and didn't- we often blame him."

When i first read this i was thinking that's nice, but there is no one to blame in my situation except me. I don't blame God. Right as the thought came into my head the Holy Spirit said read it again. So i did. And again. I did. My heart melted. The tears came. I KNOW that God spoke to me a few years ago about who i would be and where i would go. I Believed the promise. I stepped out in faith. I walked through the fire, and YET what was spoken and promised was not happening, in fact the vision of who i was and where i was going had become blurry like a painting that had been sitting in the sun and faded. My idea of how the promise would happen and how the vision would be fulfilled had not even come close to happening so in my heart i blamed Him. The One who had been the most faithful. The one who had loved the promise more than me. The one who painted the picture. Instead of taking care of the vision and framing it inside His timing and ways i put it out there for others to laugh at and mock. I shared my dream carelessly. I let it sit unprotected in the sun and let the color fade and i blamed Him.

"Absolutely no man, woman, child, or devil can ever get you out of the will of God! No one but God holds your destiny."
-Bait of Satan
I lost sight of this. I let my circumstances dictate how i believed God was. I never lost my faith in who He is, but i blamed him for giving me a dream and then not fulfilling it, when the whole time he has been keeping it, waiting for me to believe him for His timing and purpose in it. I was trying to put his ways in my box.
You are probably wondering why i am sharing this with you and where the breakthrough is. I share this so we can examine our hearts. We may be great at forgiving people and not holding offence against them, but watch out the little lies will try and trip you up in your thoughts about the One who loves you the most. I never thought i blamed God, but i did. In situations that don't make sense i think we just blame him without realizing it. We need someone to be responsible for what's going on and since i don't have control and neither do the people in my life, i blame him for not working inside my box.
The breakthrough is this; Romans 8:1-2 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
Praise the Lord! i can approach the throne of grace and receive forgiveness, and walk in wholeness as a chosen set free daughter of the king. I can pick up the vision he gave me and ask him to help me re-paint the faded parts. I can frame it in his timing and purpose. I can believe again for big things. I can live by grace and love that he pours out on me.

Scary Story and life update

hey blogging world!
thanks for checking back; my life is in a constant state of transition right now, so blogging is not hot on my to do list. Tonight however, i am awake and unwinding from work so i shall fill you in on life a little bit. I know it has taken me way to long to actually get around to writing out my scariest story and so we shall start with that.

Scary Story
there i was just driving along, enjoying the full moon, worshiping with the ipod, Jesus in my front seat and happily approaching the end of the Mount Hood/Blue Box pass. In the last year i have driven highway 26 approximately 35 times, and many of those times at night, so this time was no different to me. I had just enjoyed a long weekend up in WA with my family and was ready to get back home to Bend.

The occasional semi-truck passed me heading to Portland, but I hadn't seen a car heading east since Sandy and assumed i probably wouldn't for a while. So there i was rocking out to something amazing when all of a sudden my rear-view mirror is filled with the bright lights of a truck. I glanced at my speedometer and realized i was going 60mph and we were still on the S curves on Blue Box. Apparently someone was in a hurry, because they stayed right behind me as i accelerated to hopefully give them some space. However when i was flying around the corners at 70+ mph i realized this was not fun and not safe; who knows what deer, cow, horse, or small rodent was around the next corner! I slowed down a bit as to avoid disaster but not to much as to upset the person in such a hurry behind me. Finally we came to a spot in the road with a passing lane and i gladly gave the trucker room to pass me and head off into the night.... or so i thought.

A few miles had passed and i saw a sign for Warm Springs; a small town that puts a smile on my face and marks the start of my favorite part of the drive; the High Desert! The rocks and canyons that glow orange in the light of a full moon( i told you i've done the drive a few times). All of a sudden the red brake lights of the moments before speeding truck interrupted my thoughts and i wondered why we were slowing down. Was there something in the road? Was he over heating? I inched over to the left lane to see what i could see, and all that i could see was the lights of on coming trucks and cars. Hmmm i thought perhaps something is wrong with the truck. I slowed down and came to a stop about 20 feet behind the truck. My music was still blaring Jeremy Camp's song I Wait For the Lord and i tapped on the stirring wheel hoping the delay wouldn't affect me. I sat there singing along and not really thinking about anything, until the man from the truck jumped out and came towards my car. He started by whacking the hood of my car and shaking his fist as he yelled profanities, he then approached my window. I checked the locks and swallowed hard. I wasn't sure what to do. By this time there was a car behind me and oncoming traffic roaring by. The man from the truck slammed his hand on my window and yelled some more. thankfully my music was loud so the swearing was a little muted, but the words hit me like pebbles piercing a calm lake. What had i done to make him so mad? Why is he yelling at me? What did i do? As he hit the window one more time i felt my body shake and the tears stinging the back of my eyes. He stomped back to his truck and was gone in a flash. I started driving, but my hands were shaking and the tears were flowing. Soon i was sobbing and crying. Between wiping tears and trying to drive i prayed and then cried some more. I grabbed my cell phone, but i was out of range. i knew the closer i got to Warm Springs the closer i got to being able to call my mom. So on i drove, Jesus by my side, tears that wouldn't stop and these words steaming out of my ipod; "this is where i belong in your arms holding tight, this is where i belong when i'm scared..." Not even kidding it was like the Holy Spirit jumped into my ipod that had been set to shuffle and said, play this song! What a blessing and awesome reminder of who was with me the whole time!!!

When i finally had some reception i called my mom; after a failed attempt of her only hearing her sobbing daughter say, "mom? i'm ok, but..." before it cut out i was able to explain to her what happened and how to pray!!! She was very relived when i told that story and that i wasn't in a ditch somewhere in a smashed car.

I made it home safe and sound, was completely exhausted in every way and ended up a little sick for 3 days but i praise the Lord for keeping me safe and for the other cars on the road!

well now that this is long...and its almost midnight; i will write the life update part of this post soon enough... but for now, i have to get up in 6.5 hours.

I love you all, my faithful blog readers. Live for eternity. Seize every moment. Be real. Be Honest. Smile just 'cause and love people well!!!!

1:17am

For reasons not known to myself... my mind seems to come alive at night. I try to go to sleep; really i do. I even watch movies i've seen 100 times to see if i will be bored and drift off to the land of sheep jumping over fences (really who dreams of such things?), but to no avail. I am wide awake. things i find myself doing at 1:17 am;

1. blog hopping. my mom, Bo, Jess, Joann, E&L, sam i am, Jess again, my sister, Ben Edward's, my mom again and whoever else i might stumble across... btw good posting people!!!!

2. take pictures of myself with my icamera.... and for your viewing pleasure:

this is my "why in the world am i awake?" face

this is "oh my it's still in B&W"

3. check my email, just in case someone else on the planet is awake at this hour and has emailed me.

4. check craigslist for a house to rent.... just in case someone woke up and thought perhaps they should post an add before the sun is shining and normal people are awake to read it.

5. yawn. yes i yawn... and for most people that is a sure sign that they are tired and should be in bed. I however am far from normal, so yawning just implies that air needed to be released in a slow and long sort of way.

So there you have it. Me at 1:32 am. wide awake and wondering what you are dreaming about?

a weekend in pictures Part 1

Every photographer loves to perfect the art of self portraits... especially with amazing little siblings!

Josiah and me! what a stud-muffin!

yes i know you already saw this one... but i like it a lot!

 a year ago i would never have guessed i would be blessed with 2 more little sisters!!!!!

Rachel and me

Madison and Hosanna have hung out and been friends for a long time, but this year their friendship has totally become like long lost sisters! They spend almost everyday together!

This year they signed up at different time so ended up on different teams... this is Hosanna catching and Maddie at bat...

yep, their best friends for sure!

softball strong!

Elijah sliding in to home! Oh how i LOVE t-ball!

Josiah

Elijah, Preston and Jake have been friends since they were tiny guys when all they could do was sit, stare and drool... now they all play t-ball, ride bikes, play legos and do all the other really cool stuff big guys do!

a weekend in pictures Part2

We went to Vancover B.C. on Sunday for a walk in Stanley Park with a friend my parents met in Ghana!!!! 

Sarah stopped to blow the flowers...

Rachel stopped to pick some flowers;

sweet ride; no silly,  it's not my dad's!

papa D joins in the jumping picture fun!

this is half of the Diacogiannis kiddos;

E was tired after walking;

rachel got a ride from hosanna;

~

A...

...swinging...

...good...

... time!

~

me and Rachel... Elijah(age 6) took this picture!

Holding On

Elijah

Vancover, Canada

i took pictures....

For Jordan and Jen.... They are gettin' married in July and i have the privilege of shooting the wedding as well!!!

glorious weekend.

this last weekend i went up to visit my FABULOUS family in Washington and took a TON of pics... here's one of me and my sister hosanna joy to keep you interested;

Sisters

check back soon for:

-more pics 

-the whole adventure

-the Scariest Story of my Life 

(not joking it's SCARY).

New House...

I really am looking for a new place to live... however this is NOT it... but it's SUPER cute, and i could totally handle a house this cute.... perhaps tone down the colors!!!!

hey all...
I just posted some new pics on my photography blog...check it out!!!

HERE

Apparently I take pictures...

On Saturday i had the pleasure of taking pics for 2 dear friends of mine for their Prom.... here is one of the favorites;

~Jordan and Paige~ Prom 2008~

and can i say that no photo shop or camera filter was used? the only "touch up" was done in iphoto; i blurred the edges!

My little Brother J.

My little Brother J.....
.....is really funny.

Here is a story from my mom's blog;

A New Use for Masking Tape
A few nights ago, Ben headed to bed awhile after J. He immediately ran back upstairs and said, "Mom ... J.'s mouth is taped shut!" Hmmm ??? I contemplated whether or not to find my camera (this could make a good blog post), but, instead, just told Ben to take the tape off of his mouth, and that we would ask J. in the morning why he would tape his mouth shut before he went to sleep.

Well ... he actually had quite a logical explanation ... and we all had a good laugh ...

The following night, just before bed, I remembered the incident and casually asked J. about this new usage for masking tape. He explained that while he is sleeping his mouth hangs open and he drools on his pillow. He does not like to awaken to a drool soaked pillow, so he thought that taping his mouth shut would be a good idea. I asked him what he uses his mouth for, to which he responded (with a big smile), "Breathing?" I laughed, and told J. that he should thank Ben for saving his life ... since it is pretty important to be able to breathe while you sleep.

We all had a good laugh, as I explained to the kids that taping our mouths shut was not the best use of tape.

Why Worship?

Woo-Hoo

this picture perfectly captures how i am a lot of the time....

jumping for JOY in awe of what God has done with my life. I am in love with my AMAZING God!!!

Bend Oregon

The following is something i wrote about 3 months before i moved to Bend. I feel them same about Bend now as i did then. Perhaps this will fill in some blanks for your thoughts as to WHY exactly did she move to little Bend Oregon....

Bend Oregon
Hebrews 11:1
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

This is the first verse I recorded as a verse that I believe the Lord showed me in regards to Bend Oregon in my life! The second is equally important:

Romans 5:5
“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Vision
“You must allow your mind to wander outside the boundaries of what is and begin to create a mental picture of what could be.” –Andy Stanley Next Generation Leader

I can’t explain why it’s Bend. Why it isn’t Seattle, Lynden, Blaine, San Diego, or Senegal. If I could I would. But I believe that the Lord has something for me to do in Bend. I know it has to do with the Generations and things the Lord has done in my life that will empower those to come in someway. I also believe that the Lord wants to grow faith in this whole experience, not just for me, but also for those who are a witness to what the Lord has done in my life.

John 1:6-8 “God sent a man, John the Baptist, to tell about the light so that everyone might believe because of his testimony. John himself was not the light; he was simply a witness to tell about the light.”

My desire is to be a walking testimony of the Light; What God can do when we surrender what we know and follow the light he has given. I know I won’t always have the “big picture”. I may be holding a flash light and walking in complete darkness, but where the light shines I will see and follow its path as long as it is safe and clear. If the light is shone on a snake, or deep ditch I would hope I would be smart enough not to try and walk through it or leap over it, but shine the light in another direction and prayerfully follow where it leads.

I have to go to Bend. To learn about ministry. To grow in my faith. To believe for more than I have seen God do. To, perhaps walk through a fire…. To be refined into the beauty the Lord has for me.

Zechariah 13:9

“I will bring that group through the fire

and make them pure.

I will refine them like silver

and purify them like gold.

They will call on my name,

and I will answer them.

I will say, ‘These are my people,’

and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’”

only one year?

Are you sure it's only been one year?

I am certain it has been a life time... or at least half of one. 

When i stop and think back over the last year and all the things that have happened i see so much. The most consistent thing is the Faithfulness of God. I am overwhelmed and amazed! So many times this last year i was less than faithful. I was so consumed in my discomfort or pride that i forgot to remember why i am here. Not here as in Bend Oregon, but here on this earth here. I would get so lost in my own world; and forget to change the one around me. 

Psalm 91:4
"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

It's so true. His faithfulness was my shield. I imagine more so than i even know or will ever see. I love that he loves me enough to not give up on me. He keeps teaching me, even when i stumble and fall over the same situation ten times, he knows i am one step closer to seeing my mistake and having stronger character because of it! Incredible.

Next to his faithfulness i see progress in me. Not in a "i'm so clever and i have improved my situation in life" sort of way... more in a progress that i see things in a different way. Let's be real i have walked through some very hard times this last year. I have cried tons of tears, and in the middle of those hard spots where i cried out because of my misunderstanding i did not see the end. I did not see today. I did not see where i would be looking back on the awful situation saying, "i see God's hand and i receive it with God's grace and guiding." These last few months the main thing God has been asking me to do is get his perspective. This sounds really nice and "visionary" but when the only question you have is WHY? and WHEN? his perspective is the last thing you can grasp or understand. A year ago i did not see his perspective or even think about it that much... now it seems that everyday i am wondering what He sees when he looks at the same circumstances i am facing with a clenched jaw and a raging fist. It's not every-time, but sometimes i get a small glimpse of what he sees and then i relax, knowing that He is in control and everything is going to be alright.

yes it's been a year. A long year. So much has changed and i feel like i am just starting this adventure called life.

Everything was New...

This weekend marks a YEAR since i moved to Bend! Can you believe it??? I can =) and so here starts a series of blogs that commemorate this last year~

- - - - - -

Everything was New...

Last April 21st i woke up to the central Oregon sun shining through my window and i realized something... from here on out everything will be New... and so it was...

New Home to organize and make my own.

New Church to love and find my place in.

New Job to provide for my needs.

New Boss(es) to tell me what to do(and what not to do.)

New Friends... slowly but surely i found  some friends!

New enemies to inform me over & over than i loved Jesus just a little too much for their liking.

New streets to Google Earth and find my way around the round-a-bouts.

New coffee shops to taste and find a favorite.

New gas stations, where they pump it for you... weird.. and still not used to it.

New Safeways to learn where the milk and cereal are.

New Parks to explore and watch the ducks.

New favorite photo spots.

New faces around every corner... and why did it seem (at first) that every guy was SO much cuter than the ones in Washington?????

New coffee buddies.

New Buttes to climb.

New songs to sing.

New.

Everything was so new and refreshing...and sometimes scary... but mostly new.

my favorite 6-year-olds

This is Elijah...

This is Rachel...

They are my favorite 6-year-olds.

Beware; i am pretty sure they are going to change the World.

Tim and Jenny VanDyke

Tim and Jenny

March 28th 2008

He saw her.

She saw him.

They said, "hello."

They went on a date.

They Kissed.

They called.

They were an item.

He proposed.

She said, "YES!"

They were married.

Sounds pretty perfect if you ask me!

i'm a movie star!

just kidding... kinda.

So i recently spent a chunk of time in downtown Bend... eating Pizza, walking around, sitting in the library, drinking Starbucks, meeting with friends and enjoying the SUNSHINE!

In my walking i had a thought... i was heading to Pizza Mondo and as i stepped into the cross walk crossing Franklin, a thought came to mind; 

What if i was the star of a movie right now? 

I looked around, stood a little taller, flung my hair over my shoulder, and glanced at my reflection in a car's window.

What if there was a camera crew with the guys on the moving platform with a camera?

I looked up at the stop light and imagined a Camera pointed at me,  hanging from a robotic arm.

What if all the people in these cars and doing life were extras in my show?

My feet hit the sidewalk and i looked both ways... I know a smile had snuck it's way onto my face and i could tell that the guy with the dog was wondering why i was smiling. 

~

Psalms 139:17-18

"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up, you are still with me!"

~

As i began to think about my thoughts of stardom, this verse came to mind. I am a star. When i stop and place myself on the HUGE stage of history, future, forever and now; I imagine God as the Award winning director of my show. His thoughts towards me are precious! He wants me to be a star. A shining star, not with the fame and glory that this world holds as important, but shinning with the light of who HE is in me. His eye is on me like the camera hanging from a robotic arm, or on a moving platform. He is there in my movie-star moments and in my "please don't take a picture" ones. 

Last week i heard someone say that potential is untapped-power waiting to be unlocked. When God picked me for this 'show' He saw my potential. Then he began to give me glimpses of it. He started giving me outrageous dreams of what my life could be if i released it to His directing skills instead of trusting in my own. I realized that He sees the whole stage and so i gave up. I stopped trying to win the awards if this world and the acceptance of the "cool kids".  I am focused on my director. I look to him for affirmation and acceptance. I look to Him for directing. He knows how the picture should look, and even if it's uncomfortable for me at the moment it will be something beautiful when it's complete. Only He knows how to direct people to move at the right time and sing the right note and only He has the angle on my life on one else sees. He's the director. It's His job. He knows how far to push me, He knows my limits and He knows how to comfort me when i feel lost and confused. He is the only one watching me that matters. I don't have to worry about the opinions of the people in the cars watching me cross the street or the guy with the dog wondering why i am smiling. I don't have to place my worth in people who don't encourage me or question why i am so full of life and passion. I don't have to worry about my own opinion of my insecurities. HE picked me for this show! He said, "I believe in you. I know you can do it."

So if you happen upon me and i am standing a little taller, smiling a silly little smile, flinging my hair, and looking at my reflection in a car window, just know that it's not for you. It's for my director.... and most likely i just heard Him whisper, "You can do it. You can change the world. I believe in you."