Friday, May 28, 2010


quick update: i am getting ready to do 3 things i have never done:
1. experiance Duluth Minnesota
2. see Lake Superior (never seen a great lake although i have been to many a great-lake-state)
3. go to Wisconsin.
and yes i will take pictures!!!!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

take two. {re-post wednesday}

i remember the feelings i had writing this blog... like something was bubbling up inside me... reading it today gave me the same feelings all over again! enjoy the re-post of the week!


Monday, March 24, 2008

the justice of my's a long one!

I wrote a short little post the other day saying something about a verse that caught my eye during my devotions and said i would post about it... so here i am posting about it!!!
Psalms 37:6
"He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

Honestly i was reading, but not taking in the meaning of anything in the first 5 verses of Psalms 37 and then out of the blue, this small sentence jumped off the page and slapped me and said, "pay attention!". So i started over at the beginning of Psalm 37 and these few verses is where i got stuck:

"Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes."

Let's just admit it, we all LOVE verse 4"...he will give you the desires of your heart." I remember a few years ago this was the verse that held my attention. I wanted the desires of my heart, but i struggled with the idea that i could have them and they be what the Lord wanted. The basics of verse 4 and 5 are easy to understand. Delight in the Lord and Trust in Him. living it out is where we get distracted and scatter minded. Back to verse 6. Verse 6 had a flashing light and was calling out for more attention than the others. And for the last few days it has held my attention and snuck into my thoughts and dreams.

"He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

Have you ever been awake at dawn? Better yet; have you been awake at dawn and seen the sun shine over a mountain hit the lake and seen the ducks fly away? The first light of morning is AMAZING!!! In the house i used to live in i had a window facing dead-east! Last summer was full of amazing sunrises hitting my face and telling me that the new day starts NOW! I enjoyed a lot of those sunrises hidden under my covers, my body begging for more sleep. No matter how tight i closed my eyes and how many blankets or pillows i covered my face with, the sun still snuck in!
What would the world around me look like if my righteousness shone like the dawn? I don't think of myself as a righteous person. I try to be right. I see Jesus' Righteousness and strive for it. However if i am committing my way to the Lord and trusting him; then i am pursuing righteousness. If the quality of those things were the shining around me i know i would see things differently. I would surely see people in a different way and i would most likely treat them in a different way. My righteousness needs to shine so bright that people around me want the pillow over their head or the shades drawn around me. I want them to look at me and say, "wow she is different." or "what is it that makes her life so different?".

Now the next part of the verse is the kicker. The Justice of My Cause... like the noonday sun! WOW. Here in Central Oregon the noonday sun can be very bright! What is the justice of my cause? What is my cause? If i have a cause is it just? If it is a just cause is it shining like the sun? How do i find the right cause? Justice? These are just a few of the questions swirling around in my head the past few days. I looked up this verse in a few commentaries and they didn't really help me out at all. I finally realized i do have a cause. It's the cause of Christ. Please don't zone out here and think i am going to be cliche. Not at all. We all are called to the cause of Christ... the trouble we have is mixing up what we want and what He wants for us. Some of us are called to that cause in Politics, some in Business, some in Entertainment, and still some in the church. Now here's where my mind doesn't quite get it all... the Justice of that cause. I know little pieces of why i am here and what God wants for my life. I know even more clearly what i am supposed to focus my cause on right now.... still the JUSTICE of that cause is what trips me up.

jus·tice [juhs-tis] Pronunciation Key –noun
1. the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause.
2. rightfulness or lawfulness, as of a claim or title; justness of ground or reason: to complain with justice.
3. the moral principle determining just conduct.

Wow.... this is from and it says it all. Check it out in the #1 the word righteousness is there... i think that's just neato. Are we taking what Christ has given us as a cause and making sure it is just? Or are we just holding it in our pocket and pulling it out for show? People who believe in a cause(or a new president) hold signs, mail card, buy adds, knock on doors, and make phone calls all for the sake of a "just cause". What are we doing with the cause Christ has trusted us with??? The light of the morning and the noonday sun. This is what it should be like. Both so bright. Justice and Righteousness in me compared to a BRIGHT SUN!!! I love that each of these verses bring us back to each other. They each hinge on the one above... try reading Psalm 37 backwards and you'll see what i mean. Try figuring out your cause... if it is in line... if it is His heart's desire alive in you. It will shine. You won't even know it's shining. It just will.

Friday, May 14, 2010

bread of life.

Lamentations 3:22-24

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.""

i take pictures...

Check out Alivia...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

take two. {re-post wednesday}

i know it's Thursday, but yesterday slipped away from me in a mess of tears, sunshine,180, worship, prayer and my man coming home (to MN) from Africa... so here is my re-post of the week! enjoy!


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Nap Time Tears

Seven is in his crib right now... crying and crying.

Nap time starts with singing and rocking in dark room... and then i gently lay him in his bed, and the peaceful child starts crying his little heart out. I softly tell him it's ok and walk out of the room. The crying continues... 1 minute, 3 minutes, 5 minutes.... after 10 minutes i go back in and wind up the lullaby box, find his Binky and rub his tummy. He stops crying and grabs my hand as if i am leaving forever, not wanting me to walk out of the room. I slowly pull my fingers away and sneek out. The crying starts again. 3minutes, 5, minutes, 12 minutes... i head back in. The tears are streaming down his face and i pick him up. The binky is somehow at the other end of the crib. I put it in his mouth and walk around the room singing softly "Jesus loves me this i know..." he quiets down and softly whimpers behind the soothing rubber in his mouth. Seven reaches up and grabs my hair... his eyes wonder if the tight grip on my long locks will keep me there longer. As i lay him back down under the soft brown blanket, he spits out the Binky and the crying starts again. It's a tired cry. He didn't sleep much last night and his morning nap was shorter than normal. 5 minutes... the crying has stopped. All i can hear is the lullaby box, a soft whimper, and occasional sigh.

I remember so many times with all my younger siblings the lessons about nap time when they are little. Crying is ok. They aren't hungry, they aren't wet, they are tired and need to sleep. They need rest. I remember with Elijah it was so hard to let him cry. He was so little and cute and wonderful.... but the crying at nap time basically ripes out ones heart!!!! All he wanted was to be held. All Seven wants is to be held. He wants to know that i am right there. To feel safe in the arms of one who loves you so much! My mom taught me the art of letting the little one cry. Wait a few minutes and go back in... each time let the clock tick longer. It's so hard. I just want to rock him until he falls asleep. I want to sing him Jesus Loves Me 500 times while he coos and sniffles. But he is ok. He is safe, fed, dry and tired. Eventually he will fall asleep.

I was reading in Matthew 15 today... the story about the woman who comes to Jesus, because her daughter is tormented by a demon. 3 times Jesus ignores or rebukes her. She is a gentile. However her faith went down in history as an example of some who didn't stop asking, who didn't stop crying out for a miracle.

I have been pondering her story all day, and while i was rocking Seven it all came together in my mind. I cry out to Jesus on a regular basis. I hold on to His hand as if i will never hold it again. I reach out for a hug as if it's the last hug i will have from my savior. I cry out. I am not in danger. I am not hungry. I am not sitting in a puddle of life. I am tired and i just want to be held by the One who holds me best. I just want Him to sing over me. I want Him to tell me "it's ok" 500 times over. I don't want Jesus to leave my room. And so i cry out.

Is the cry in Faith that He will answer or in fear that He won't? For me it depends on the day. It depends on where my perspective is. I would like to think that the prayers of Faith, like the woman are more common than the cries of Nap Time Tears... i'm not sure what the ratio is. probably close to 50/50. He is always here. He always hears my cries. I think, however that He is listening for Faith not Fear. He is listening for belief that He is who he has proven time and time again He. He has never left me in the dark, hungry, scared, and wet. NEVER. He has never left me alone and not returned to remind me that He is just a moment away. Somtimes i turn away and forget He is there, but He has never left me.

The house is quiet. All i hear is the clicking of the keys as my fingers fumble across the black keyboard, and the tic-tock of the clock in the kitchen. Seven is asleep. The lullaby box is silent. My heart is stirred up; Faith is rising to the surface of my every thought. The picture of Matthew 15:21-28 is so real in my mind. I can see the woman, her eyes pleading, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks, her hair is a wild mess from the search for the One who could free her daughter. Jesus is there. His back is turned towards her. His face is deep in thought. He knows her face without looking. He seems to be waiting for something, either that or pondering what the next few moments hold. The 12 look on in frustration and annoyance. Her last request hangs in the air... a cry of faith and determination to see a miracle that day...

"Woman," Jesus said to her, "your faith is great. Your request is granted."
And her daughter was healed instantly."

I hope to some day sit with that woman and her the joy that must have flooded her heart when she heard those words. I wonder the laughter that must have filled her house that night. I think about her daughter, sleeping peacefully because the tormentor was gone. I think about her faith. Great faith. She has no name, but her Nap Time Tears were full of Faith, and she cried out expecting the answer she wanted. She didn't let anything stand in her way... and she heard those words from the One who can speak life, breathe truth and walk in Power.
"Your faith is great."

Saturday, May 08, 2010

happy mothers day.
Thank You.
I Love You.
(this was on my 18th birthday.)

(scroll down for my real mother's day post: 24hours 53minutes)

24hrs 53min.

it's 24hours and 53 minutes til the start of mother's day. just sayin'.

to my mom,
mother's day is just around the corner and your gift is wrapped, sitting 6inches away and waiting for the mail. sorry it will be late. i like mother's day. i like to remember past mother's days. remember the time i helped dad pick out your bike? teal-ish green. it was the color of the time and i can remember thinking that you would really love it. remember that one mother's day when i cried because there wasn't a prize for the mom with the most kids, you said it was because you would win every year and that wouldn't be fair... i'm still convinced it wasn't fair to have that prize anyway. remember when i got you that necklace thinking it had 13 diamonds? it only has 12, and now it makes sense why. remember that time when we read proverbs 31 and washing your feet. the girls and i made sure to pick lotion and special soap we thought you might like.

as much fun as it is to remember, i like even more to look ahead. i was at Wal-Mart on the Hallmark isle searching for the perfect card for you this year and found a card for the future; On the front it said "Happy Mother's Day!" on the inside it said "in September you can celebrate Grand-parents day!" (it had a special spot to put an ultrasound picture). I thought it was creative, cute and i almost bought it for someday. i like to think about mother's day when you will have more grand-kids than kids.

as much as i love to dream about tomorrow and 10 years from now, 24 hours and 53 minutes is coming sooner than all of those dreams, moments and years.

as i think about the last year i don't really remember mother's day 2009. i remember the 4th of July and Easter. I remember Thanksgiving and Valentines Day. for someone with a memory like mine i'm disappointed that i don't remember it. i know it happened. i know it was there. i know that the love i have for you now was there then, only less so.

because you see, with each mother's day i remember my mom. my incredible Superhero mom. More than bikes and prizes, necklaces and lotion i remember late night chats. long drives and planning surprises. i remember Woods runs at 10 til 10. i remember Christmas Tea's and matchy-matchy moments(thank you for making them moments not years!). i think about shopping trips and sleepovers. these are the things i hold near to my heart.

i realize the last few months have had there ups and downs with me and you... today it seems like more "downs" than "ups". today 450 miles might as well have been the Pacific Ocean. today the weight of hurt and sadness were overwhelming to the point of tears. today i just wanted my mom. not any mom, not a soccer mom. my mom. the mom who knows me inside and out. the mom who knows all the answers and is really good with a boo-boo bunny. that's my mom.

right now this mountain feels like it will never move. it seems like the Ocean is getting bigger. the wedge is getting deeper... and yet i know that seasons change. i know that Spring ALWAYS comes after Winter. and so. today i look forward to calling you in 24hours and 53 minutes and saying 5 words. they are the only words i could come up with that mean what i want to say... see the thing is, that people say i am good with words. people can read my blog and see my love for writing (i get it from my mom)... and yet, when it comes to having the right words for the people who mean the most to me i loose all thought. i can't decipher between and adjective and a noun. i barely remember how to spell and i seem to have a sudden stutter. it's probably because i want it to be perfect. i want my emotions, my heart and my passion to make sense in words... and somehow it doesn't come out right. so please forgive me for not being the girl who writes the cards that the average consumer buys... i only have 5 words today. and tomorrow. and 24 hours and 53 minutes from now.

Thank You.
I Love You.

please hear me when i say them, because i mean it with all my heart.

Happy {almost} Mother's Day.
i love you mom.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

take two. {re-post wednesday}

the word Forgiveness has been stirring around in my head the last few days and i remembered a post i had written about it a couple years ago. In the search for that specific post i found some other posts that kinda blew my mind and i didn't really remember writing... so i'm starting a new trend on my blog for a little while. Introducing: {re-post wednesdays}. i hope you enjoy this little look into my blogging past! feel free to leave some Comment Love!


Thursday, June 28, 2007


"Forgiveness is a decision I make to obey God and walk as a lifestyle in the higher realm, by not allowing someone’s actions or attitudes to dictate what I do. Releasing them to God, while not requiring them to be accountable to me to make it right. Having the wiliness to walk in the opposite spirit making sure I am willing to be an unrestricted channel of God’s love for that person!" -Doug Easterday

Forgiveness is hard. It's part of the not easy road we walk as Christ-followers. Not because the concept is hard but actually walking out what it means to forgive is really hard. I love this definition of forgiveness. I have heard Doug preach the message behind his definition quite a few times, and every time i learn something new and meaningful.

Today it's this "Releasing them to God, while not requiring them to be accountable to me to make it right..." It stinks when I have to give forgiveness, but instantly in my head i want them to make it right, to "fix" the situation. I want people to un-do what was done, to make my life easier.... but that's not what this says. If we think about how Christ forgave us, this definition makes a lot of sense and is really real. He doesn't require us to "make it right" to fix the problem we created.

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;"
Psalms 103:11-13

This is amazing to me. No questions asked, long before i was a glimmer in me mama's eye MY sins were forgiven! Yes, i still have to keep repenting and asking, but not for the sake of forgiveness, for the sake of relationship. Keeping in perspective that HE is the LORD, the just ONE; yet he choose me for a special purpose and calling...AND he forgives me, over and over and over again. Why should i not take after his example? Why should i not choose to forgive in the hard moments of my life? When it hurts? When it's easier to be mad, and not forgive. If i choose to forgive i also must do this "be an unrestricted channel of God’s love for that person!" That means see them as God sees them, like Jesus: Perfect, Pure and Spotless.

So today i choose to forgive. I choose to not see people as mean, spotted creatures, but i choose to see them as my King sees me: Pure and beautiful, created for a purpose, and meaningful in this crazy thing we call life!

What are you going to do?