Sunday, August 30, 2009

inspired ramblings.

i have been wanting to write this post for about 2 weeks.
it's my 200th post. not too extravagant, but monumental just the same.
the problem has been i have not felt inspired.
i don't want to write sweet nothings about my toes and how i got bit by a spider.

so i've waited, and thought, and tried to force inspiration, and thought some more, and waited some more, until today i couldn't stand it any longer. the writing must happen weather i feel inspired or not. so here i sit. sunday, august 30th 2009.... figuring out how to write without inspiration.

please trust Jesus is in me. please. recently due to a lot of ups and downs and craziness that life is, i feel like i have to ask this a lot. please trust that i pray and wait on the Lord and that i don't make crazy decisions based on emotions.

let's love our neighbors. this weekend at church the message was about loving our neighbors. how can we ask God to send us to Africa, India or Thailand if we can't even love our brothers and sisters in Christ in the USA? i need to figure this one out, because honestly, some people drive me crazy and make me want to run away to a far of land... they are probably my neighbor who i should love better.

11 million children starve to death or die each year from preventable or treatable illness. 8.5 million children work as child slaves, prostitutes or in horrific conditions. i have a dream to rescue kiddos in India and Africa from such lives. someday i will.

"What's your name?" "Giselle." "Oh, Giselle!!! We shall be married in the morning!" this is a silly quote from a silly movie, but this week it made me laugh and believe in fairy tales... You know, the stories where the guy on the white horse sweeps in at the perfect moment and rescues the pretty girl from the dragon, witch or lonely sleeping. Yeah, i believe in that stuff. Perhaps not the dragon or witch part... but i don't believe i have to be the girl who dresses scandalous and throws herself out there to get the guy... because never has there been a fairytale in which the pretty girl comes to the rescue of the prince and sweeps him off his feet with her good looks and forward ways. that would be just down right crazy! So i choose to believe in the fairytale where i wait, dream and get ready because at the right moment the hot guy i believe for, will show up in Bend Oregon. perhaps not on a white horse, but it will be rad, and i will make sure to blog about it.

i take pictures. and then i spend hours and hours editing pictures. it's a joy, really it is. my secret prayer this summer has been something like this, "dear Jesus, thank you for the creative eye you gave me, but technology is moving forward faster than my eyes, so would you please let someone decide they want to invest 10,000 dollars into my small business with no guaranteed return other than free portraits for life. amen." yup, you read it right. i pray for a large sum of money to be able to do something i love better. selfish? perhaps. practical? maybe. honest? you betcha. I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking pics and editing them, but the fact that there is a better way to do it is annoying, especially when it take a lot of money to do it that way. so in the mean time, while i wait for that wonderful investor, i plug away with my "old school" camera and editing system to the sounds of Micheal Buble and LOVE every minute of it!

camp was off the hook. pictures to come, i promise. Twin Rocks. Beach. Cabins. Games. Wonderful people. Worship. The Word. Jesus. Amazing. There are few words to describe accurately what God did in the 100 people from central oregon that week at the beach. i do know that i have never seen 87 young people more hungry for the presence of God like i did that week. i also have never seen 87 young people take over a worship set like they did the first night of camp. i had never been in a service for over 4 hours and seen so many people ready to worship for another 2 hours. it was amazing.

i don't have much more to say, so i'll steal some words from a new favorite song to end this randomly inspired post:

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious Glorious
Your love is changing us Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Monday, August 24, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

i choose to say.

"But at the end of the day, let's stand in awe of the awesome God we love and serve. Let's let Him get the glory and honor. Let's say when the sun sets and the stars shine, when it snows and when sweat pores down, when it's dark and quiet and when the laughter goes late and the good times roll, let's say "Thank you. Life. is. Beautiful."

thank you.

it's been a long hard road
it's been a long time coming
skilled through your building, through the molding, through the stretching and the pulling

and all i want is you
all i want is you
all i want is you
all i want is you Lord

spend so much time chasing your grace it's so useless
your grace is on me

wanna be used by
wanna be used
wanna be used
wanna be used by you

all i want is you
all i want is you

so thank you thank you thank you
Lord we praise you
You are good

thank you thank you thank you
you are good

nothing is impossible with God
singing nothing is impossible with God

this song was written by a good friend of mine. it has been on repeat in my head for a little over a week now. i don't have a lot to say about it; it is my heart's cry right now. every line is weaved in and out of my life in someway.

the last few months, you may have noticed more pictures than words on this silly blog... i've had SO many thoughts going on in my head i didn't know where to start often. Pictures are my other way of speaking, yet i know they do not always convey the emotion that i am feeling. They have become a cop-out for me. Too much to write about. Too many worries about what you (the reader) would think if i were honest. Too many fears about the comments that might come if i told you about bursting into tears in public places. I've been trying so hard to be brave.

it wasn't until a recent conversation with my dad, that i realized i'm allowed to be "emotional". I am actually allowed to feel the feelings i am feeling. I don't have to Spiritualize everything. I do have to trust God, but trusting doesn't mean don't feel. Right now it means feel everything in a very real (not over the top) way and trust in the midst of the feelings. Trust in the middle of the challenge. Trust when i don't see any answers. Trust when hope is cut out and disappointment surfaces. Believe God is who he says He is. Comforter. How can i know God as Comforter, if i squash my feelings and "don't need" to be comforted? How can i know the Prince of Peace if i don't admit to myself and the world that my life feels like chaos sometimes? How can i see him as BIG and OUTSIDE the box, if i keep trying to keep Him in the box with my squashed emotions and feelings?

this is my challenge to myself; desire to know God more than i want to know the answers to my questions. Trust God in the middle of the emotions. write more. fear less.

this is my challenge to you; read with grace. there is more to the stories you read on the pages of this blog than you could know or imagine.

Sunday, August 02, 2009


weekend in WA

i have a friend.
her name is taylor.
she's real great.
so great in fact that she "ditched" her husband for a few days and went to Washington with me!
thanks t.
you're the best.

we went to a track meet and watched my little siblings be amazing...
we went for walks....
i introduced tay to the glory that is doing devos at Woods Coffee....
we went to a Canadian beach, and by beach i mean the tide was out...
it was real great.
it was real neat.
i really love road trips.
i really love my family.
i really love that taylor came and experienced both with me!