Saturday, May 08, 2010

24hrs 53min.

it's 24hours and 53 minutes til the start of mother's day. just sayin'.

to my mom,
mother's day is just around the corner and your gift is wrapped, sitting 6inches away and waiting for the mail. sorry it will be late. i like mother's day. i like to remember past mother's days. remember the time i helped dad pick out your bike? teal-ish green. it was the color of the time and i can remember thinking that you would really love it. remember that one mother's day when i cried because there wasn't a prize for the mom with the most kids, you said it was because you would win every year and that wouldn't be fair... i'm still convinced it wasn't fair to have that prize anyway. remember when i got you that necklace thinking it had 13 diamonds? it only has 12, and now it makes sense why. remember that time when we read proverbs 31 and washing your feet. the girls and i made sure to pick lotion and special soap we thought you might like.

as much fun as it is to remember, i like even more to look ahead. i was at Wal-Mart on the Hallmark isle searching for the perfect card for you this year and found a card for the future; On the front it said "Happy Mother's Day!" on the inside it said "in September you can celebrate Grand-parents day!" (it had a special spot to put an ultrasound picture). I thought it was creative, cute and i almost bought it for someday. i like to think about mother's day when you will have more grand-kids than kids.

as much as i love to dream about tomorrow and 10 years from now, 24 hours and 53 minutes is coming sooner than all of those dreams, moments and years.

as i think about the last year i don't really remember mother's day 2009. i remember the 4th of July and Easter. I remember Thanksgiving and Valentines Day. for someone with a memory like mine i'm disappointed that i don't remember it. i know it happened. i know it was there. i know that the love i have for you now was there then, only less so.

because you see, with each mother's day i remember my mom. my incredible Superhero mom. More than bikes and prizes, necklaces and lotion i remember late night chats. long drives and planning surprises. i remember Woods runs at 10 til 10. i remember Christmas Tea's and matchy-matchy moments(thank you for making them moments not years!). i think about shopping trips and sleepovers. these are the things i hold near to my heart.

i realize the last few months have had there ups and downs with me and you... today it seems like more "downs" than "ups". today 450 miles might as well have been the Pacific Ocean. today the weight of hurt and sadness were overwhelming to the point of tears. today i just wanted my mom. not any mom, not a soccer mom. my mom. the mom who knows me inside and out. the mom who knows all the answers and is really good with a boo-boo bunny. that's my mom.

right now this mountain feels like it will never move. it seems like the Ocean is getting bigger. the wedge is getting deeper... and yet i know that seasons change. i know that Spring ALWAYS comes after Winter. and so. today i look forward to calling you in 24hours and 53 minutes and saying 5 words. they are the only words i could come up with that mean what i want to say... see the thing is, that people say i am good with words. people can read my blog and see my love for writing (i get it from my mom)... and yet, when it comes to having the right words for the people who mean the most to me i loose all thought. i can't decipher between and adjective and a noun. i barely remember how to spell and i seem to have a sudden stutter. it's probably because i want it to be perfect. i want my emotions, my heart and my passion to make sense in words... and somehow it doesn't come out right. so please forgive me for not being the girl who writes the cards that the average consumer buys... i only have 5 words today. and tomorrow. and 24 hours and 53 minutes from now.

Thank You.
I Love You.

please hear me when i say them, because i mean it with all my heart.

Happy {almost} Mother's Day.
i love you mom.


Vicky said...

1. This is beautiful :)

2. LOVE the Grandparent's day card. Brilliant!

3. I think your mom was in Ghana last Mother's day. I could be wrong, but that might be why you don't remember it last year. (I have no idea why I remember that)

4. I love you, Cassie!!!

5. Thanks for sharing your mama with me :)

Jesse and Taylor said...

lovely. :)