Wednesday, July 07, 2010

bread of life.

lots is going on in my life right now and i need to find a way to write about it. I am actually journal-ing more than i ever have, but it's all very deep and personal... too personal for the blogging world, but i did want to share a few verses i came across this week. the have been simmering in my mind for 3 days now, and i just got finished writing about them!

1 Chronicles 22:11-13

““Now, my son, may the Lord be with you and give you success as you follow his directions in building the Temple of the Lord your God. And may the Lord give you wisdom and understanding, that you may obey the Law of the Lord your God as you rule over Israel. For you will be successful if you carefully obey the decrees and regulations that the Lord gave to Israel through Moses. Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or lose heart!”

i am not building a temple or ruling a nation, but i LOVE the emphasis of OBEDIENCE in these verses. Obviously the highlighted things stuck out to me. I am in a season of life that many would look at and not understand. I am on a journey that doesn't make a lot of sense. I have heard people ask me "why" more this week than any other time in my life. Last night i went to sleep and was beginning to wonder if i sounded like a broken record. My answer to the "why" is very much the same every time, and it's fully the truth of the situation, but after i have given my answer the puzzled look on the questioners face does not go away. the "why" still lingers.

Last week a dear friend posted something on his Faceb**k and as i read it i suddenly had a little better answer for the "why"s.

"Seldom does the work of the Lord make sense to those who have not heard God speak."

This little phrase was stuck in a long sentence about this friend's journey into a new and exciting (well, i think so) adventure in faith. For me it solidified what i already knew.

I prayed. + God spoke. + (I had a choice to make.) + I obeyed. = me doing my best to follow the directions i have been given.

The decision i made did not come without tears or a dose of sadness. It did not skip to my front door with bells, whistles and ice cream. It came with a friend named Fear and Discouragement... it also brought a cousin called Why.

"Be strong and courageous; Do not be afraid or lose heart."

The only reason i can "be strong" is because of the foundation of faithfulness that has been built in my life. Faithfulness, not of myself, but of my God. He has proved himself faithful time and time again. He has given me NO REASON to doubt him. He has proved again and again that even in tough situations i can trust him. Even in making the hardest decision ever to knock at my door, i KNOW He is faithful.

Fear and Discouragement are my choice to either invite them in with the choice OR walk in the knowledge i have about who God has proved himself to be in my life! As much as it was my choice to make the tough decision, it's also my choice to walk in fear and lose heart because of the situation... OR i can be strong and courageous based on the knowledge i have.

I know the decisions i make and have made this week do not always make sense, but i know without a doubt that i am doing what God asked me to do. I know it doesn't look "normal" to some and to others it seems "Crazy". I know its "weird". I may not have all the answers to the "why"s, but i know what the Lord said and i will do my best to "carefully obey" what He has asked me to do, whether that's building a temple, ruling a nation or answering the door to a hard decision.

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