Friday, November 19, 2010

one more?


"One more? One more Jesus Loves Me song?"

I've heard these 8 little words a lot recently. Seven's vocabulary is growing like crazy and i'm impressed with his thoughts and questions every day.

I would like to say today was no different, but it was. You see, today is the day of "lasts". It's the last time i get to walk into a dark room in the morning and say "good morning bugga-boo! it's cassie!". It was the last time i get to take off his jammies and help pic out clothes. It was the last time we get to argue about what's for breakfast. It was the last time we get to dance around the kitchen to The Ping Pong song by Enrique Iglesias (not the best song ever, but SO FUN to dance to with a 2 year old!). It was the last time we got to go visit Great Grandma together. It was the last date to Looney Bean together. It was the last tickle fight on the fuzzy rug before nap time. It was the last snuggles in the rocking chair before nap time when he said those words... "One more? One more Jesus Loves Me song?"

and then the tears came. and have not actually stopped in 30 minutes.

You see today, i sneezed and for the first time Seven said "bess you! bess you! bess you!".

We went to Safeway and chocolate chips were on sale i said "oh my goodness! this is GREAT", Seven said "oh my doodness, SO GREAT!"

Someone told me today he is apart of my legacy. i drove away and cried.

You see, today is the last day i get to spend with the little red-haired boy who has stolen my heart. We got home from town today and i took his little black car-seat out of my car. I removed the garage door opener from my visor. I changed a diaper and cleaned a room. I put his precious little shoes in their place and rocked him with a song.

At my house I am in the midst of packing my bags, boxes, and tubs. Minnesota is waiting. My heart is torn in two. Hope, future and love beckons me forward. Safety, promises fulfilled and love hold me back.

You see, i am so excited for what's ahead, but right now i just want one more "little baby kiss". I want one more Jesus Loves me song with my little man. I want to hear him call my name when he wakes up from his nap. just one more...

(last photo of us together.)

4 comments:

Jenay said...

Oh Cas...I love you to pieces! You will always be in his and heart and he in yours! What a blessed little man to have YOU!!!!

Lindsey said...

tears... oh sis, I know how hard it is to leave kids after only a few months of being their nanny, but i can't imagine how hard it must be for you to leave "your little man".

Vicky said...

Been there... My Sam was about Seven's age when I left. I started watching him when he was six weeks old. At least I was nearby and my sister continued watching him for a while. He invited me to his birthday party for a few years. His birthday is the same week at E's, so he'll be nine in a few months... hard to believe.

Praying for you through your many goodbyes this week and next. Looking forward to seeing you next week :)

joann renee said...

Sigh. I know how you feel, my beautiful friend. Getting married and moving away from Donny & Everlyn was so sorrowful...not the married part, the leaving part. Leaving is hard. Loving is easy. The missing lessens a bit though, very slowly, with time. Tearing up with you. Embrace your adventure, even the sad parts. Love you!