what do you want?

What do you want?

I don't like that question. It's a lot easier to answer "what do you need?" than "what do you want?" I used to want a horse. I used to want a Jetta. I used to want I "normal" life. I used to want to be an actress. I sometimes to want a tattoo. I sometimes want to sleep longer. I sometimes want short hair.

Luke 18:40-42
"When Jesus heard him, he stopped and ordered that the man be brought to him.
As the man came near,
Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Lord,” he said, “I want to see!”
And Jesus said, “All right, receive your sight!
Your faith has healed you.”"

I would like to suggest that the man had been blind for a while, and got along alright for a blind guy. He didn't "need" to see. He wanted to see.

What do you want?

A good friend challenged me the other day to write out a list of the 10 things i want out of life. After making the list the friend told me to prioritize the list, order it by importance and write out a "goal" of when i wanted to accomplish the things that were able to put on a tangible time line.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

This is what i want (in no particular order):

- I want to stop worrying about my life. I don't want to worry about what i should wear, who i should txt first, when my bank account will be full enough to empty on my dream camera. I don't want to worry about what i will eat or who i will talk to. I am done with worry.

- I want to be faithful with what i am given. I don't want to waste my time, treasures or talent. I don't want to spend wastefully. I want to be faithful, always faithful. no matter what, faithful.

- I want to preach the Word. I want to preach God's heart for his kids. I want to preach the gospel to the lost. I want to preach to 1 or 1, 000. I want my words to be a sound of hope. I want my words to be His Word. I want to preach.

- I want to hold on to the hope He has given me and called me to. I want to see my life from his perspective and base my hope on that. I don't want to be discouraged by my situations i want to HOLD ON TO HOPE in JESUS.

- I want to go to "my" 18 countries. Yes, there are 18 countries i hope to visit before i die. included, but not limited to: India, China, Thailand, Iraq, Uganda, Botswana, Argentina...

- I want to get married. Yup, i just put that out there. I'm the girl who's favorite thing to do when she was little was to play "house" and be the mom/wife. I'm the girl who started thinking about her wedding when she was 11. I'm the girl who believed in Prince Charming. And i'm still that girl. I still want to be swept off my feet by a God-fearing, Horse riding, Music playing, Bad-guy fighting, girl saving, Honest, Passionate Prince charming.

- I want to adopt an orphan... or 3. I want to love the forgotten. I want to pray for a destiny that seems bleak. I want to rescue the homeless and helpless children in the World.

- I want to live overseas. I want to be a missionary. I want to eat goat brains, fish eyeballs and frog's feet. I want to smell the smells. I want to see the sights. I want to live in Chacos and messy hair. I want to see lives changed. I want to embrace different cultures. I want to come back with stories that will blow your mind.

- I want to have to be a mom. I want to get the belly, feel the pain and cry the tears. Remember; i played house and and 50 baby dolls with names and voices. Sometimes people think because i am the oldest girl in a big family perhaps i am "over" it. Not so much people. I want to be a mom.

- I want to see this generation rise up. I want to see the students in 180 leading my kids. I want to see them change their schools. I want to see them love the un-lovable. I want to see them worship face down. I want to hear them pray. I want to see the JoY of their answered prayer. I want to see them KNOW GOD and take Him at His word. I want them to carry the banner of Christ well. I want them to be passionate, on fire people of purpose.

I want honesty. I want to be authentic. I want to live real life with people. I want to stop faking it. I want more to a conversation than inside jokes and sarcasm. I want good times. I want music that doesn't hurt my head. I want red boots. I want black flats. I want a new camera. I want to pay off my car. I want to dance the salsa. I want to go to a Superbowl game. I want to eat tacos in Mexico. I want to drive with the windows down while it rains inside. I want to have a gym membership. I want to get in a tickle fight with my dad. I want to race my little siblings across the yard. I want to cry at the sad parts and laugh at the silly ones. I want to take jumping pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower. I want to capture the Joy of Love, the Pain of War and the big-ness of the World through a lens.

I want faith that rises above the surface of my situation and see's past the un-answered questions.

I want faith that heals a blind man.

This is what i want.