Monday, April 13, 2009

This is what i was made for...

3:42am. the silence of my dreams was broken by these four precious words "i havea go ponny(potty)". silence again for a couple seconds and then the pitter-patter of 2-year-old feet on wood floor break the silence again. "mommy?".... "cassie, i havea go ponny." i sit up an throw off the blankets, i stumble out of bed and see precious Ella standing at the foot of the bed. I pick her up and take her in to the bathroom and help her go 'ponny'. After jammies are zipped back up and hands are washed i carry Ella back to her bed, kiss her forehead and walk back into bed. As i snuggle back into savor the last 3 hours of sleep, right before silence again fills my head this thought blazes across my mind... "THIS is what i was made for."

This weekend flew by in a flurry of pastel dresses, dark chocolate, beautiful songs, large choirs, messages of Hope and 29 hours of held breath. Yesterday morning between Easter services for Westside Church cell phones in Bend started vibrating with shocking and scary news, a dear friend and brother in the Lord was being rushed to the Hospital in Portland with a Brain Aneurysm. Within a couple hours Suburban loads of friends were making the trek across the mountain to be with loved ones. Being that i wasn't especially close to this friend, but close to his family, my place was to stay and pray... and pick up my favorite 'hat' to wear; the fill-in mommy hat!!! 4 kiddos for the night and then adding Seven in the am... no problem i thought!!!!

The rest of Easter went on without a hitch, underneath the looming feeling that all the adults were holding our breath the kiddos went on with the hunting of Easter Eggs and dividing the goods found in each one. We ate ham, pie, deviled-eggs and too much candy. And after the guest had left i settled into my most favorite role. We played games and colored pictures and then one by one the kiddos were sound asleep and i snuggled in with prayers for Steve on my heart and a big day ahead of me. I the last 3 hours of sleep after the potty break and woke up to the Central Oregon Sun rising in the window. As I showered and got ready for my day I carefully planned out who needed to be where when and how "my" little Seven fit into the day.

11:47am News from Portland was a little more hopeful than the night before, surgery was on the schedule, we held our breath and prayers for skilled hands went up. I was driving from 'here' to 'there' with Ella (2) and Seven (almost 1) buckled in car-seats on the back seat. "Twintle Twintle little staw, how i wonder what you are..." I glanced back through the re-view mirror and again, the thought blazed through my mind "THIS is what i was made for." Seven was blabbering on in "baby" language as Ella sang him Twinkle Twinkle over and over again. The smile on my face wouldn't go away.

4:21pm Surgery went well! Steve was coming out of the coma(drug induced) and responding to voices and commands! Within half an hour the house was full of the noises of 5 sweet kiddos wanting dinner and attention from this fill-in mommy. As i held one, gave advise to another, separated 2 from pulling each others hair out, and ate a little of the other's snack there it was again..."THIS is what i was made for."

6:15pm Seven went home with his mama, Dinner was done, homework for the freshman was hanging in the air and 3 balls of energy and i bundled up for a little game of baseball while the sun went down. I pitched. They hit. Stanley(the dog) ran and caught the ball and brought it back to the pitchers mound. Once our fingers were sufficiently cold and our cheeks were the color of the cherry Popsicles we headed inside for jammies and back rubs before bed. Little Ella was falling asleep standing up, in we went and got tucked in and prayers said. Shelbi (the freshman) was not feeling too hot so i got her Nyquil and said prayers for her before she fell asleep on her History books. Brodie(7th grade) asked my advise on the running shoes he was checking out on and Parker(7 years old) was just happy if someone answered any of the 1,000 questions he had.

8:15pm Dishes done, living room cleaned and now it was Parker's turn for a back rub and chat on the couch about Rocketships and going to outer space to look at the Earth. Brodie went up to the xbox to veg. for a little while. There it was again "THIS is what i was made for."

I have these moments often enough to know that God is reminding me of sweet dreams He put in my heart when it started beating. I have these moments in 180 all the time. It happens when i pray with my small group gals. It happens when one of those girls tells me about the awesome things God did that week. It happens when i think about being back in Africa someday. It happens when play with my little roommate Sienna all the time. It happens with Seven more often than not. It happens when i see prayers answered in front of my face. Steve is breathing on his own and talking to his wife and daughter as i write this.

Soon, Daddy and Mama of these sweet ones will be home and i will be on my way to my own bed. I will hang up my fill-in mommy hat and say hello to "normal" life at 6:25am, but i will never live a "normal" life as long as i am living to see what Jesus has made me for and as long as i keep having these moments that blow my mind and make me think "THIS is what i was made for."


Laurel said...


I'm so glad that you were made to be a mama ... because that means that I was made to be a grandma. And, I have been practicing, too, this year ... with my Thursday "Bible Study Babies".

love ya,

mama :)

Vicky said...

Oh wow do I understand you there... I often have "this is what I was made for" moments when hanging out with Amber's kids (or your younger siblings). Someday, Cassie, someday :)

Jeremiah said...

Great post! I'm still waiting for my "this is what I was made for" moment.... but I've got some ideas... :)

Lindsey said...

Great post, sis! I look forward to being a mama too... and an auntie! :)

love you!